Tales from customer service

"itschrome" (itschrome)
12/15/2017 at 14:52 • Filed to: None

had an issue with amazon, and this is my tale..

Me:yes, I dunno what happened but i believe an app update caused one touch buttons to populate. this resulted in an order being placed and I do not want nor could I afford this item. I think it got ordered when my phone was in my pocket! I have sense disabled the feature but it should have never been enabled from the start!

You are now connected to Rashid Navab from Amazon.com

Rashid Navab:Hello, my name is Rashid Navab. I’m here to help you today.

Me:thank you

Rashid Navab:Is it Aquatic Life DI Color Changing Mixed Bed Resin Cartridge ?.

Me:want my order canceled and refunded asap please

yes

Rashid Navab:Will try my best to do so keith

Me:thank you.

Rashid Navab:Let me check that for you

Me:I would have canceled sooner but i never got an email or notification. I went to pay my car bill today and iw as short and was like what the fudge

Rashid Navab:SO sorry for the hassle keith

I can see the order is in shipping soon stage so cannot be canceled

But please be rest assured we charge you once the item is shipped out

And I can see the item will be soon shipped out and will cancel that for you

And if it is with the carrier you can call the carrier anytime for they cancellation or you can reject that while delivery

Will that be fine ?

Me:so now i need to call the post office to cancel? this is honestly BS. why would you guys auto enable this feature!

Rashid Navab:So sorry for any misunderstanding keith

Me:I run a large IT depot and this is about all the time I have to spend on this today. I need a better solution

Rashid Navab:But it was placed from One click that is activated from your side

Me:it’s not a mis understanding. you guys enabled a feature by defualt that shouldnt have been

it should have also notified me prior to shipping

the only way i knew about this order is because i saw a charge on my bank account

Rashid Navab:So sorry keith but we cannot enable it without customers permission

Me:I never set it up!

the app updated and boom there they are now

Rashid Navab:One click its names itself means order is placed in one click

I understand that so sorry for the hassle keith

You can cancel that once it is at the carrier and shipped out

Me:yeah i get that smarty ass but you should have a email notice or something. not to mention I NEVER ENABLED IT

I never set up a button

I never used it before

I never would

it was never on my app before

Rashid Navab:To turn off your 1-Click settings for physical orders, go to Your Account here:

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (See full link)

From that page, click “Turn 1-Click off.” The 1-Click ordering option for digital items stays available even if you turn off 1-Click Ordering for other purchases on your account.

Me:app updates thursday and whoa look at this now theres buttons for studff i rarely order that seem to allow orders if theres a miss touch

yeah already did that before reaching out

thats not a solution

or very helpful

I dont want this order, I never ordered it, I dont want to pay for it and I dont have time to deal with this

if you are incapabale of resolving this i need some one who is

Rashid Navab:I understand but cannot cancel it right now

Me:you need to do something

you call the post office and cancel it

Rashid Navab:Anyone over here will be helping you with the same resolution keith

Me:not good enough

thsi is total crap man

Rashid Navab:We cannot call them as the post office need the csutomers authorization to cancel it

Me:well figure it the fuck out

this is not ok

at all

and your not helping

Rashid Navab:I can see you’re upset, and I can assure you that I’m here to help and will do everything possible to resolve this. But, if you continue to use such language I will have to terminate this chat.

Me:please help

oh for the love of god

your not helpful

I want a supervisor to call me

and you to stay on chat while i wait

Rashid Navab:I understand you frustration keith but my system doesn’t have the option to cancel it for you

Me:you need to find a way

and to issue a refund asap

Rashid Navab:I can transfer this chat to the supervisor but they will be helping you with the same resolution Keith

Me:no you stay. I want them to call me

I want a phone call

Rashid Navab:Supervisor can be on the chat keith

Me:not good enough

Rashid Navab:I can transfer you directly to supervisor

Me:not good enough

Rashid Navab:And they can see my chat

Me:not good enough

Rashid Navab:Cannot connect a call for supervisor

Me:not good enough

you need to try harder

Rashid Navab:Thats the best I can do

Cannot connect a call for supervisor

Can transfer you over chat

Me:then your best is the worst customer service ever. and that’s not good enough

Rashid Navab:I understand so sorry for the hassle

Me:Rashid, try harder

Rashid Navab:I did

Me:I don’t think you tried at all

Rashid Navab:I did and I know what my system allows and what doesn’t

Me:you did nothing to resolve the matter

Rashid Navab:SO that the best I can do 0

Me:then what is the point of your job if your system wont let you do anything?

yes 0 is the best you can do isn’t it

I bet you have disappointed all your lovers too..

Rashid Navab:Is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Me:yes you can resolve this matter

you haven’t even helped me yet let alone with anything extra

focus on this problem first

Rashid Navab:I did tried helping you but you are on “not good enough”

So I cannot cancel this right now

Me:your trying is just pissing me off and not actually trying anythign at all

now please, have a supervisor call me. the number is on my account

Me:you made me upset Rashid

Rashid Navab:Cannot connect a call keith

Me:you and your lack of trying

Rashid Navab:But can transfer you

Me:they have a phone on their desk. tell them to pick it up and call me

no you dont dare transfer me

Rashid Navab:I’m so sorry keith

But cannot make a supervisor call so sorry for the limitations

Me:no youre not. say sorry one more time and I’ll go ape

have you even asked them or are you just sitting there looking at your phone recalling happily how you thought this job was soo great on your first day and now you suck and can’t resolve anything and every day is a growing hell...

now stop dreaming of good days and help me

I need this item to be canceled and a refund issued

how hard is that?

Rashid Navab:SO sorry keith

Me:Rashid..

what did i say about that word?

Rashid Navab:But cannot issue the refund now and cannot cancel the order

Me:I don’t want to hear it

Rashid Navab:I’m so sorry keith

Me:I want to hear, nothing other than yes I can help you

Rashid Navab:So sorry keith but cannot cancel the order

Me:but I never placed it

Rashid Navab:And cannot issue the refund

Me:so you need to do something

Rashid Navab:I tried my best keith

Me:not good enough

have you ever thought to your self “hey, I would wish someday I wouldn’t be a disappointment to my family and loved ones?” well good new Rashid, today is that day! you and turn a new leaf today and be helpful!

Rashid Navab:So sorry keith but I did everything for you

Me:you did nothing for me

Rashid Navab:But I cannot cancel the order

Me:YOU’RE TEARING ME APART RASHID!

Rashid Navab:So sorry for that keith I don’t want to do so

I hope you understand my limitations

Me:SO PUT ME BACK TOGETHER MAN! HELP ME

Rashid Navab:I’d love to dear

But I’m so sorry I cannot cancel the order you can do that

Once it is with the carrier you can do that

Me:that’s really not my problem, honey. I need you to handle this for me. be my knight in shinning armor!

Rashid Navab:Even I don’t want you to face hassle keith but what can I do if my system don’t allow me to do the things you are requesting

Me:you can have a supervisor call me

Rashid Navab:I hope you at least understand my system limitations

But call cannot be connected as I’m trained on chat

My system is only for chat

Can transfer this chat to the supervisor but cannot call the supervisor

Me:they can call me. I assure you they have the physical and mental abilities to do so. I know supervisors are usually brainless twats but a phone call they can make

Rashid Navab:I’d love to do that what you are asking keith

But I can’t so sorry I just don’t have the options to do that

Me:will you be brutally beaten if you speak directly to a supervisor. please if this is the case let me know. I will send help!

say banana if you can’t say yes

Rashid Navab:I did that for you I’m consulting with my supervisor and they wanted to chat with you

But they cannot call the customer who is on chat

But they can get the customer transferred to them

I hope you understand

Me:not good enough

are you under distress? are they threatening you? are you in chains? just please darling let me know if you need help.

other wise if your not, please just resolve this issue

Rashid Navab:Thank you for your so much kindness keith

But I’m not under anything harassment or something

Me:ok good

Rashid Navab:Just trying to help you in the best way available

Me:I’m glad your safe ;) I wont send this elite team of rescuers your way.. (keep an eye out for a blue van)

now while we wait for that, please just help me out. then we’ll break you free from your amazon prison!

come on man, help me out. It’s Friday, Friday

Gotta get down on Friday

Rashid Navab:Happy Weekend keith

Me:Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend

Rashid Navab:But I tried my best

Me:not enough to deserve the Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)

Rashid Navab:Please be rest assured keith can do one thing

Me:yes?

you have my interest

Rashid Navab:Let me check what carrier will be delivering it so that I can do the rest

Me:ok!

Rashid Navab:So it will be delivered by USPS_SC_AT_PARCEL

Me:uh huh

Rashid Navab:Let me cancel that for you by contacting the carrier lets see if I can

Me:sweet! I’ll wait

Rashid Navab:May I know you got the email for the cancellation keith ?

It will be form USPS ?

Me:let me check

Rashid Navab:Thank you

Me:got it!

Rashid Navab:Your Redelivery Has Been canceled

Your Confirmation Number: CAR66351224

Me:I love you.

Rashid Navab:We Love you to!

Me:can we maybe just cuddle for a while?

Rashid Navab::)

Me:also when can I expect to see the refund issued

Rashid Navab:My cheeks are blushing !

Me:;)

Rashid Navab:Once it is sent us back refund will be issued

Me:ok excellent!

I’m glad you were able to seize the day and be the hero we not only needed bust desperately longed for. You are a shinning beacon of all that is good in this world. A true human of humans, a God in your own right.

Rashid Navab:Thank you so much keith :)

Glad to help you

Me:I shall release you from the burden of my nonsense now and allow you to help lonely old people whom just need a friend and cant figure out how to make the tv show play on the tv.. God speed my friend, I’ll always remember you.

Rashid Navab:Thank you keith )

I’ll also always remember you :)

Best contact of my life time !

sIl

DISCUSSION (14)

Ash78, voting early and often > itschrome
12/15/2017 at 14:56

Tl;dr — calling or emailing are both better. Chat sucks with almost every company, but this was at least entertaining!

itschrome > Ash78, voting early and often
12/15/2017 at 14:57

you should really read it.

McMike > itschrome
12/15/2017 at 15:11

My next door neighbor fell for the “one click ordering” button on his desktop or mobile device.

He likes to add things to his cart all the time, and then decide if he wants to buy them.

What did he click?

A 200 lb outdoor propane firepit.

He called immediately and had the same conversation you did. He had to intercept the delivery and refuse it.

His wife sat in the front window for three days waiting for that truck.

itschrome > McMike
12/15/2017 at 15:13

yeah I wasn’t about that life.

ttyymmnn > itschrome
12/15/2017 at 15:16

Just write “REFUSED” in big letters on the box and drop it back in the mail (assuming it’s coming USPS).

https://pe.usps.com/text/dmm300/508.htm

Chariotoflove > itschrome
12/15/2017 at 15:18

say banana if you can’t say yes

This is where I lost it.

Honestly, I started out thinking you were being a dick to a helpless minion in Mumbai or something. But, by the end, I was sure you gave him a laugh and a story to tell. Nicely done.

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > itschrome
12/15/2017 at 15:24

This is pretty good. Usually Amazon customer support can’t pass the Turing test.

itschrome > Chariotoflove
12/15/2017 at 15:24

and a hell of a survey!

itschrome > Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo
12/15/2017 at 15:27

haha! seriously. half way thru I wasn’t sure I had a human, then he dropped the “dear” haha

McMike > itschrome
12/15/2017 at 15:29

I hate one touch ANYTHING.

Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero > McMike
12/15/2017 at 16:44

not a one click issue but my mother in law accidentally ordered a nine foot artificial christmas tree on amazon when she meant to order one smaller. she didnt realize her mistake till the ups guy asked for help from my father in law to unload it and when they told him it was a mistake and refused delivery he got super pissed and started stomping around in circles around his truck swearing. apparently the neighbors thought it was hilarious

McMike > Sampsonite24-Earth's Least Likeliest Hero
12/15/2017 at 17:30

I heard the fireplace delivery dudes did the same thing. They threw a fit because they already got it off the truck. :)

E92M3 > itschrome
12/15/2017 at 22:33

Customer Service does not pay nearly enough...Thank god he doesn’t have a phone, or he would of probably killed himself on the 2nd day.

pip bip - choose Corrour > itschrome
12/16/2017 at 06:50

that made me laugh.